Baby Loss Awareness Month

Trigger warnings - miscarriage and baby loss




So shortly after getting married in July 2013 we set about trying for a baby. I will never forget the sheer JOY I felt when in Sept after having a epic hissy fit at the local koi carp selling place that I couldn't have a flipping fish, so much so that my husband stopped in his tracks shocked and said what on Earth is wrong with you as your acting ridiculous lol it didn't even cross my mind that I might be pregnant.... when I missed my period I did a test and yes the test said I was and explained why I had simple gone a bit crazy briefly lol but we were so happy! It didn’t even occur to me and certainly not him that this could be very fleeting despite my preious experience of baby loss, you would have thought I woudl be a bit cautious but I wasnt I was just elated and on the right life path so this was all as it should be and destined...right.... Sadly weeks later it wasn’t to be, swiftly followed by another one who was not to be, swiftly followed by my beautiful cat Cleo who had been on my life path with me from age 18 (I was 33) at this point! Being run over and sadly died. To say I was devastated is an understatement. It was early December and the final straw for me and I emotionally just caved, I found myself crawling up under the coffee table in her spot and pouring out my hurt for all the losses I had experienced in such a small amount of time, 3 months of constant losses.

I saw Christmas out and then just before New Years I had what was obviously another loss, you just know... I hadn’t done a test as my head was in the sand and I just didn’t want to know... I was a bit like how much more can I break if I am already broken...

January knocked and I saw on the TV some crazy man banging on about juices. He seemed absolutely mental to me. Who possibly has that much energy and not be on something!! Anyway something in me got sucked in and I though I’m broken something needs shifting so hey why not throw yourself into this detox.. you won’t even last two days anyway as you have no will power... yes I was very mean to myself and was in a cycle of hating my body for obvious reasons.

So I followed the juicing and after day one Jason’s energy was just so encouraging and you really felt like he was there with you making the juices...

By day three my head hurt so much from the withdrawals of caffeine etc and all I wanted was a potato of any kind hehe. Day four came along and OMG I have never felt as good as I did that day. By day five I had lost about 7lb, my eyes were so clear and sparkly and I felt so amazing that I didn’t want to end so I continued on my own for another 6 days. I lost in 11 days, 10lbs and felt so amazing!! Boom straight after I continued to make juices and fell pregnant with my daughter. She stayed!!! She is the light of my life!

I joked she was my juicy baby and how little did I know that was actually the case!!!

Fast forward to 2019 and I’m still having occasional let downs despite my child being 4 and I stopped breast feeding her at 6 months. I just think I’m weird and obviously my body is, well, a bit extra shall we say... I finally mention it and a friend tells me I should get it checked as it could be a sign of something else. My brain goes straight to breast cancer and I’m like oh ok thanks I’ll get checked! Make an appt and am seen the next day. I have fab doctors!! Doctor sends me for all sorts of tests as it could be a sign of a benign brain tumour they say. As it’s all linked... crazy!

Thankfully it was not but what does come to light is my iron levels were so depleted that I almost needed a transfusion. Now I’ve always had low iron and anaemia problems so now faced with omg I almost need a transfusion how could I possible get that low on iron bout of research.

In my quest for information I discover that low iron stores will trigger anaemia and they are not the same thing. Wow I did not know this. I start to make sure I get more greens in my diet and it occurs to me I would be better off juicing as I can get more spinach and kale into me that way over eating it and then the connection was made! Oh yes I must have raised my irons levels to a really good place so maybe that’s why I fell pregnant and kept her. I wonder if there is any link with iron depletion and miscarriage. Holy moly yes there is. WOW JUST WOW!

Excerpt: Around 35 percent of expectant mothers may be at risk of pregnancy complications – such as miscarriage or preterm birth – as a result of iron deficiency. This is the conclusion of a new study published in the European Journal of Endocrinology

My joking she was my juicy baby was actually spot on. I knew it had helped me I just did not know how.

Back to present day and I’m all in for another round with Jason!! This time is blending not juicing. This time it’s for weight loss. I’m so fed up of struggling with my weight and I’ve not had the self discipline to do another juice detox or diet... so when I saw Jason plug a blending challenge I knew he would be there right with you each day and I need that to kick me off and keep me going as by day five I will be able to keep the momentum going myself!

With October being baby loss awareness month, I put the feelers out the have other women tell their story, its so important to be able to speak what has happened to you.

Here are some personal stories which I personally can resonate with and thank you for sharing:

"My aiden came to early at 19 weeks in Disneyland Paris it was awful baby was ok he cried for 3 mins then passed away it a day I never forget but he is laid to rest close to my home in Essex. They say it gets easier it doesn’t but you learn to live with the loss of ur child"


"I was in my early 20’s and realised I had missed my monthly and it occurred to me that I could be pregnant. I remember taking the test and being shocked at the result. I was not in a happy relationship at the time and part of me thought this could fix the divide. We had broken up and were in the middle to trying to rekindle things and then in the middle of this I fell pregnant. After the initial shock wore off, I was elated! I told my parents who supportive as was my boyfriend. Sadly he then started getting very jealous and acting very delusional accusing me of having an affair when we were apart and how does he know the baby is his. He would drive his car so fast it really scared me and I do think the stress he cause me is what caused my to loss the pregnancy at 8 weeks. This happened a few days before my birthday and was quite profound for me and it made me change my whole life. I will never forget collapsing in grief into a nurses arms in the hospital. I split from him that same day and have gone on to marry and have a daughter later in life"


"I had 2 beautiful daughters and had been trying casually for over 2 years for a much wanted 3rd baby .... I finally fell pregnant and was elated . I started to show almost immediately and at 5.5 weeks I was reaching for elasticated waists . My husband was so excited he blurted it out again a family party and then I told my own family, although I was just shy of 6 weeks . The next day I started to bleed , I rushed to my doctors to be told I probably was losing the baby but to go home and rest initially. My husband went to work the next day and I took my girls to school in immense pain, telling friends I had a stomach ache .... when my husband returned home from work I told him to take me to hospital as I actually feared something was amiss, was this an eptopic pregnancy? The pain was unreal . Sadly my husband ( now my ex) was cold and heartless and left me af the hospital with my mum as he felt he’d be better with the girls at home .... I was released and had a scan the next day ..... definitely had lost the baby .... we never managed to get pregnant again and a few years later we split up. His lack of support through the loss was a major factor. I was lucky that it was early on in the pregnancy , but it still haunts me and I still wonder about my 3rd child 12 years on ……"

For support please get in contact with your local SANDS support group

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